You played with my heart
You played with my mind
But I miss you finally
Right from the start.
Today's Global Entrepolis Event was pretty alright even though I was feeling so sleepy throughout the day. Oh man, came straight home after it ended cause I couldn't take it anymore. And yeah I think I'm gonna turn in pretty soon, like after dinner and everything. Need to charge myself for school tomorrow. ( BIG SIGH )
I finally got the chance last night to sit along the riverside near Fullerton reflecting and enjoying the breeze. ( not alone but still great ) Not being emo emo ah, but yeah y'know sometimes how busy life can be and we hardly get the chance for time of our own. Maybe it isn't very much important to you but to me it is. Because that's the time when you think through so much in your head and reflect on yourself.
The past few months had been like a rollercoaster ride for me. The Good and Bad came so fast one after another and it's pretty tough for me to handle my emotions. And I'm sure it's gonna be even tougher in the future. But I'm glad I pulled myself out of all these s-hits fast. There are actually many things on my heart that I'm concerned and worried about but it's so difficult to say or even share with someone at times.. not even the closest one to me. I admit I'm very afraid of rejections and judgements. ( okay who is not honestly? ) Y'know at times when you just wanna tell someone how you feel and what you really want, they judge you for that. It's so judgemental and it really hurts when your friend doesn't understand your true intentions and they sorta accuse you or bring you down. I may say I won't care what others may say because I don't live for them anyway. But y'know.. deep inside there's still the fear in me that I've always tried to hide. And when I tell them I want the best for both themselves and myself, they doubt. It's that kind of disappointment and insecurities I get but yet I don't wanna show it out.
I don't know about you but when I tell the people around me I really want the best for them and that I actually care for them, I really mean it. Cause if I don't give a damn about you, I seriously don't. Oh wellllll.. it's no use having alot alot of friends but none of them truly care and understands you. It's better to just have that handful of friends who are really true towards you. That's something I learnt after going through so much.
Okay I feel SOOOO GOOOOOD after saying all the above out. Oh gawwwwd it's been in me for so long and I really feel that kind of sense of relief even though it's only on my blog. :) 2007 is coming to an end in less than two month's time. Tell the people around you how much you love and care for them despite all that has happened. Don't wait until things happen and stuff like that.. really! Keeping all inside you won't do any good. :)
6:53 PM
